These are the days of our lives...

The last month has been crazy.  Between an ER visit for a possible concussion on Dalton, Doctor's appointments for being sick on all of the boys, a fractured hand and a bout in the hospital for me; it has been nuts in our house.  My poor husband has been a trooper through all of this.  But things are slowly getting back to normal, and despite the pain, tears, and mounting doctor bills, I have learned a few valuable lessons through all of this.
Lesson 1: I am extremely slightly paranoid when it comes to the health of my children.  I always worry that every little thing, if not treated by a professional immediately, will lead to something far worse, and I will only have myself to blame.  While this is true to an extent, I do need to exercise more caution before assuming the worst.

Lesson 2:  I have an amazing support group around me.  I knew this all along, but really got a refresher course over the last month.  All of my friends, family, and colleagues, really rally around me in times a need, and I do not think I could go through everything without them.

Lesson 3: I am so blessed.  While the last couple of months were trying to say the least, in the grand scheme of things I am SO fortunate in life and really have no room to complain as I have been extremely blessed.  (not saying that I won't/don't complain, just saying I shouldn't)

Lesson 4:  I have more will-power than I thought.  For too long I have used my life (work, kids, family, etc...) as an excuse not to do things.  I was always too lazy busy to exercise, too selfish broke to eat healthy, etc....  But I finally sat down and had a long talk with myself. (And man can I be chatty)  I realized that I am not doing myself or my family any favors by not taking care of myself.  I cannot be the mom/wife/friend/Manager/daughter/sister that I want and need to be if I am always sick, or depressed because of my weight, or whatever the situation is.  So I have been soda free for a month today (Kicked a 6 pack of soda a day habit), I have limited my processed foods A LOT, I am drinking only water, eating mostly organic, and making sure to get in all of my servings of fruits and veggies a day.  And I feel great.  I really do.  I know it is a long process, but I am now doing things I thought I could never do.  YAY ME!!!!

Lesson 5: With 3 small boys in the house, you better have good insurance. :)

So enough about me, I have to brag on my kids for a minute (they are the reason I started this blog)  Dakota is in 1st grade and is reading at a 3rd grade level with 100% retention.  He just started the cub scouts and I think he will love it, plus it is an excellent way for him and his daddy to bond.  Dillon is growing bigger and bigger.  He is also so smart and SO caring.  He is always worried about how his mommy is and is so loving.  He is also a pretty good big brother to Dalton.  Ah, Dalton.  Where to begin with him.  His vocabulary is expanding daily, although unless you are with him daily, you probably cannot understand most of it.  He is the cutest damn kid you will ever see in your life.  Hands down.  But he is definitely crazy moody destructive daring mean mischievous active.  I am hoping as he gets older he will calm down a bit.  I love that kid to death but he does make it difficult to do even the simplest of things like cook dinner, watch TV, talk on the phone, go to the bathroom.

So that is the latest happenings in my world.  It is not exciting, not funny, but it is my life and it is wonderful.

Parents Just Don't Understand

I thought parenting would get easier! Maybe not easier, but at least not make me feel like a total dumbass every day. Just when I think I have something figured out, the kids throw me a curveball and I realize that I do not know what the hell I am doing.


There really needs to be classes for this. Every day I am presented with a new battle, situation, question, etc… that I am not sure how to handle. While I am tempted to say, “Go ask your dad.” Or something like that, DH is just as clueless as I am sometimes. In fact, I am so perpetually clueless that my six year old knows when he has stumped me and will reply with, “Do you want me to get your computer so you can Google it?” Seriously, Google is my parenting Yoda.

I realize that I would be a horrible teacher, because I cannot seem to effectively communicate the most basic of things. I never thought I would have to explain to someone why playing in their poo is a bad idea, why eating crayons is not nutritional, why you cannot paint your brother, why spaghettios do not go on the floor, how dangerous it is to eat money, and while we encourage creativity, why it is not acceptable to draw on our furniture with markers. I did not know these things would come up. I thought there were some basics that were just wired in our systems somewhere. I truly thought that “because I said so” would be a sufficient answer and they would just move on. I guess my first parenting mistake was believing that my children would mind me, all of the time.

I have tried many parenting techniques and they all seem to only work occasionally or with certain children. One of my favorites is the shaming. Catch the little one doing something he shouldn’t, “Jesus is watching you.” Or tell them “That makes mommy cry, do you want to make mommy sad?” Ok, so I know it is not the best method but seemed to work for a bit, and was an effective tool for letting me be able to parent, without parenting. I mean, I am not trying to get out of my parental responsibilities but sometimes I feel so unprepared, and my only training would be how I interacted with my sister when she was little, and that was the crap I did to her. (of course, it did not work then either)

Or I try to turn into super strict mom and just ground them from everything and expect them to learn their lesson and move on. Yeah, not so much. There are few reasons why this does not work. 1. Little ones do not care if they are grounded. I mean I cannot make them sit in the corner all day, and when push comes to shove, they can play all day long without the tv, without toys, and without friends. They have each other and they have their imaginations. 2. When they decide they are bored with each other, who do they expect to entertain them? Me, that’s who! Do not get me wrong, I love playing with my children, but not all of the damn time. So essentially when you ground your kids, you ground yourself. If they are grounded from the tv, then so am I. If they cannot go to a friend’s house, then that means they are under my feet constantly.

Sometimes I feel like I am their puppet. Like they have the strings and are constantly following me saying “dance, Mommy, Dance.” I am not trying to bitch about this. It is not nearly as horrible as it sounds I suppose, but it does make me feel like a complete assbag. I just feel so lost on what the right thing to do is. I was never one of those girls that dreamt of when she got married and had babies. It is not that I did not want to I guess, it is just that I never thought of it. I guess I just assumed it would happen one day, so I never spent a lot of time focusing on it. And then BAM! Between 2003-2010 I became a wife, and the mother to 3 BOYS and I never really gave myself a chance to “learn the ropes” first. All I really learned is that I suck at birth control. But I always thought that my parenting philosophy would be that if you just loved them enough and gave them the space, that they would make the right decisions. I just thought it would all feel a little more natural. I mean, I am a mom, shouldn’t I be programmed with some of this information naturally and long to do nothing but me a mother?

If so, then I am a freak, because that is not me at all. I love my children, man do I ever, to the point that it physically hurts sometimes, and I know that I want to keep them safe at all costs. I know I want them to have high self esteem and be happy, honorable, and kind men one day, but I have no idea how to get them from here to there.

So until I figure it out, if I ever figure it out, I will continue to be a manic mommy, desperately trying to teach my kids how to live right, just Because I Said So.