Deep Thoughts...

They say that time heals all wounds.  I suppose there is some truth to that.  Emotional wounds always leave scars, but eventually, you heal.  But it is not only time that does that.  It takes hard work.  Self-control.  And sometimes, you just have to fake it until you make it.  And one day, you wake up, and realize that you aren't faking it anymore. No one can tell you how long it will take.  No one else's journey is the same as yours.  Some people rebound more quickly than others.  Unfortunately, some people don't rebound at all.  That is why I say that time alone, does not heal all wounds.
We all know people that are many, many, many years removed from that one moment that flipped their world upside down, yet they CHOOSE to relive it every day.  They CHOOSE to continue to harp on the negative things, and not focus on the positive.  They CHOOSE to blame others for the condition of their lives.  It's easy to do.  Blame is easy.  It is taking a step back and thinking "How did I contribute to this situation?" that is hard.  But it is necessary.
It would be easy for me to look back on the last 18 months or so of my life, and classify it as a giant shitstorm.  There were definitely moments that it felt that way.  It would be easy to look at other players in my life, and blame them for my moments of unhappiness.  Easy, but not completely truthful, and certainly not productive.  But the truth is, I CONTROL my life.  I may not be able to control what happens to me, but I control how I react.  I control how I let the bad things in life affect how I choose to live.  I control whether I am happy or sad (in the long run). 
I am  no saint.  There were definitely moments that I pointed a finger at others, and moments of complete and utter emotional chaos.  There were days that I literally had to will myself to get out of bed.  There were days that I was so numb, that I prayed for pain, just so I could feel something.  There were days that I would take several showers a day, just so the kids would not see me cry.  There were A LOT of those days. And then the healing began.  It started off small.  I decided that I deserved a better life than the clusterf*ck I was living in.  My children deserved better.  So I made small goals.  Goals that most people accomplish daily, and involuntarily.  I decided that I would get out of bed in the mornings, without hesitation.  That was it.  If I got out of bed, then I could mark that day off as a win.  Then I decided that, for today, I am not going to cry.  And then I realized that I had not cried in a few days, and then weeks, and then realized that I no longer had the urge to cry.  It still hurt like hell, but it no longer made me weak.
The next step I took is typically the hardest for most people, but somehow, I did it with ease.  I forgave. I forgave him.  I forgave myself.  I knew that holding a grudge was not going to hurt him or make him see the error of his ways.  It was only hurting me.  Slowly eating away at me.  I decided that I would never give anyone the power to break me again.  Sure, people will hurt me, but they won't break me.  Why? Because I cannot be broken.  My purpose in this world is much bigger than anything that anyone in this world can do to me.  PERIOD. 
All this to say is that, it takes time, but it also takes effort.  YOUR life is what YOU make it.  Am I just a big ray of friggin sunshine all of the time? Of course not.  But I am happy.  I have moved on from the hurts.  I have decided that I am not going to let past mistakes control my life, or make me fearful of the future.  I am not going to live my life thinking that every man I meet is going to hurt me.  It does no good.  I am not psychic (well, actually, I think I am a little, but that is another story in itself).  Worrying about the future, only robs today of its joys.  In the end, I am going to have a wonderful life.  My children are going to have a wonderful life, because I CHOOSE that for us.  I choose to work hard to give them that.  I choose to love myself, despite what anyone else thinks, because if I can't love myself, how can I expect anyone else to love me?
Now, I can't wait to get out of bed.  If I cry, they are tears of joy (unless I have PMS).  And I am no longer scared of being hurt.  This is life, I WILL BE HURT AGAIN by someone, but I am not going to let that take away my joy today.  It took time, purpose, and tough love from the people who cared about me. So here is my advice to you.  It is not going to be found in a self-help book, it isn't poetically worded, but it may be the best advice you ever get.  GO TO HOME DEPOT. BUY YOURSELF SOME WOOD AND NAILS.  BUILD YOURSELF A BRIDGE. AND GET THE F*CK OVER IT.  And I say that out of love :)

You are welcome.