That is, until one little punk ass kid decided to bully my son. I found out rather quickly, that in REALITY, I wanted to make a little kid's life hell....at least for a minute.
Let me start from the beginning....
DS came to me on Monday while I had the kids checked out of school for a dentist appointment and said that, over Christmas break, a fellow student had texted another student saying that my child was gay (I am not going to turn this into a discussion on sexuality, but I did tell DS that no matter what he ever was, he would always be loved). The bully outlined the ways he thought DS was "gay" and continued on this rant. Unfortunately for the bully, he did not know that one of the people he was talking to was very good friends with my DS. When DS found out, he immediately came to me. (I am SO SO SO thankful that he trusted me enough to handle this, although, my initial reaction was not the best.)
I looked at my amazing son, whom I love more than life, and saw the tears in his eyes, and heard the quavering in his voice, and I snapped. I asked him the name of the student, who his teacher was, etc...
I drove like a bat out of hell (not really, safety first) and went back to the school. I sent the boys to their classes and then spoke with the appropriate staff members regarding the situation.
To say I was irate would be an understatement. The staff was understanding, apologetic, and went into immediate action to try to rectify the situation. However, I was not satisfied. I do not know what i expected to happen. Wait, yes I do. I wanted outrage. I wanted them to pick up torches and pitchforks and march to the bully's class. I wanted indignation on behalf of my amazing, kind hearted, witty, talented, smart son, who would never intentionally hurt someone. However, after having time to settle down, I realized that there were protocol to follow and that the staff knew best how to handle this situation. They spoke to the bully and him write a letter of apology to my son. I am still not sure how I feel about this. I feel like perhaps this was a light "sentence." Not that I want this boy to suffer, but I do want to make sure he learns his lesson and never treats anyone else the way he did my child.
The following day (after the incident), DS stayed home because he was terribly upset and too embarrassed to go to school. I used this opportunity to sit down with him and have a long talk. I outlined several things for him that I pray will help him deal with these situations in the future. This talk also helped me and let me gain perspective and realize where I messed up in this situation. Below are our discussion points:
- Whoever said "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"....they lied. WORDS HURT. Use them carefully. Words are very powerful. They can hurt, uplift, encourage, enlighten, empower, and destroy. Physical wounds heal, but emotional scars can stay with us for a very long time. I have experience in this as I was the subject to a lot of bullying when I was younger. (I know, hard to believe that someone as awesome as me could be picked on) I told DS to use this to learn to always use his words to uplift, not to bring down.
- As his mom, it is my job to fill him so full of positive affirmations and self-esteem, that the world could not empty his "self-esteem cup!" I told him all of the many wonderful attributes that he had and that no one could ever say anything that would change how I felt about him.
- I told him to use this experience to be more vigilant in keeping an eye out for other kids who were being bullied, so that he could help.
- That people who are mean to others, are normally hurting on the inside, and their ugly words are a reflection of what they feel about themselves, and it really does not reflect on him at all. I told him to always try to see the good in everyone. Is the school bully acting out for attention because he does not have friends? There is always a deeper meaning. (well, 99% of the time there is. I am convinced some people are just assholes) I told DS that he did not have to befriend everyone but he had to always be kind.
- This will happen again. Unfortunately, bullying does not stop in elementary school, it can continue through adulthood. We've all had bosses that are on a power trip, jealous coworkers, etc... It's a part of life, and growing. The part of bullying that helps us grow, is how we deal with it. NEVER let anyone put their hands on you. EVER. As a kid, always report bullying to your parents and school officials. Never turn a blind eye to bullying.
- Christ was bullied, and he turned out A-OK! If at some point in our life, we are not persecuted, then we aren't doing it right. We aren't standing up for our beliefs. We aren't being ourselves. We aren't walking down the right path. If you are reading this, and have never suffered through ridicule, bullying, or persecution....then you aren't living life right.
- I told him not to give people more power than they deserve. The bully who picked on DS was not a friend of his. He was basically a stranger, and because of that, his opinions don't matter. The opinions that matter are from the ones who love him and support him. Because those opinions are given with his best interest at heart. I told him that opinions were like "buttholes", everyone has them, but most of them stink.
I know this is a lengthy post, and it wasn't well thought out, I just spoke from the heart, but please talk to your children about bullying. Talk to them about doing what is right. If our story can prevent one kid from suffering this hurt, and one mom (or dad/grandparent/aunt/etc) from looking into their child's eyes and seeing the raw pain, then it was worth it.
