31 days

Ok so I have 31 left until my son, Dillon arrives. My doc agreed to not let me go past the 27th as long as my body will cooperate. So that is a relief, however, even that seems too far away.

Sometimes I think it is not far away because I have so much to do with school and getting my house ready, and I really wanted to do more things with Dakota first, but on the other hand I am so tired of being pregnant and I really want to meet little Dillon. But I know once Dillon gets here I will be so busy and stressed with both kids, Dennis working all of the time, and school. AM I CRAZY?

I am having a lot of the Braxton Hicks contractions, and my feet are so swollen. My hormones are absolutely going crazy, and I am pretty much unbearable to be around. The baby has either dropped or found a new position that is much more comfortable for me. I can breathe easier and have less heartburn. I think that I will have this baby a little early but I thought that with Dakota and we all know that didn't work out as planned.

Then I tell myself if I can get through May 13 it will be good, because then I will be done with school and can spend time looking for a job and devoting my time to Dillon and Dakota. But that will be just for a short time because I have to go right back into the workforce. That will mean working full time, and then getting the kids to and from daycare, and then going home and taking care of them by myself most days because Dennis will be working so much. aarrgghh It is all a little overwhelming sometimes. And let's not even mention Dakota having to have surgery at some point.

I am really nervous about going back to work too. I mean first, I have to lose some major baby weight. Then I worry that I do not have enough experience. Or what if I only get offered low paying jobs? I mean, I have to make more money than I was because daycare alone is almost $1,000 a month, and then my student loans are going to be around $600 a month, so I have to be able to work to cover those expenses each month, plus supplement the cost of having another kid, and the cost of commuting to work. That is a lot of pressure. Plus I really don't know what I want to "be when I grow up", and I am just so nervous about it all.

I mean as much as I miss working and having adult interaction and money, I also will miss out on having my days be flexible and being able to spend time with the boys. I wish I could find a job where maybe I work 4 days a week or where I can work from home some. I hope I can find a job where I do not have to drive into downtown that would be great. I really want to get on at Dollar General Corporate Offices, so if anyone knows of a way they can get me a foot in the door there that would be great.

Ok so I am sure most people have quit reading by now, and are tired of hearing me bitch, but I just had to get some things off of my chest because I am really freaking out right now. I feel like I have so much to do before the baby gets here that I cant do alone, and then so much to do after the baby gets here that I cant do alone, but I know it will all work out and that God will take care of me and my family. Plus I have the greatest network of friends and family, and that makes things a lot easier.