I don't know how you do it

“I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT!”

I hear that a lot.  From friends, family, and even strangers.  They mean well.  It seems like such an innocuous thing to say.  They are trying to be complimentary and encouraging.  I get that.  I really do.  And maybe it is just the self-loathing part of me that reacts to this statement, but what I hear is: “You are f*cked.  Your life will never get any easier and you will barely make it by, day to day, until you die!”

 

I KNOW that is crazy thinking.  I know.  But I am crazy, and sometimes it’s easier not to fight it.  Embrace the crazy; that’s what I say.  But truthfully, when I hear those words, all it does is serve as a reminder of how overwhelmed I am.  How much I have going on. 

I have different reactions when someone says those things to me.  Sometimes, I am able to keep my monologue internal, and others, well…

Here are the thoughts that run through my head when someone says that to me:

I don’t have an option. 

Everything hangs in the balance of my decisions.  I am responsible for 4 tiny little humans, and it is my job to make sure that they become productive members of society when they are grown.  At the very least, make sure they aren’t total assholes. 

 

Am I doing it? Because I feel like I fail daily.

There are SO many things I would love to do with and for my children, which I simply can’t.  I would love to give them all more individual attention. I would love to read several books a day to my kids.  I wish we had time to go to the park and just play more often.  I wish I could join the PTO, make homemade snacks for the class, make sure their clothes match every day, check to make sure they are wearing underwear, feed them a home cooked breakfast every morning that doesn’t have preservatives…the list goes on and on.  But some days I have to settle for making sure they are clean, fed (no matter how many preservatives), homework done, and where they are supposed to be on time. (Ok, so we are rarely on time, but we do eventually make it!)

 

I DO IT HALF ASS BECAUSE SOME DAYS I DON’T HAVE THE TIME OR ENERGY TO WHOLE ASS ANYTHING.

I can’t see my sink because of all the dirty dishes.  I could donate my leg hair to Locks of Love.  I can’t have people over to my house because it is utter chaos.  (Clutter, not filth) My kids’ socks don’t match (if they are even wearing any.) I still have toys that need to be put together from Christmas. I have a drawer full of baby teeth because I can’t bring myself to throw them away. I could feed and clothe a third world country with the crap in my van. 

 

SO, while I do appreciate the fact that you notice my life is a hot mess and chaotic, and that you sympathize, I am going to do you a solid, and give you some helpful phrases to use instead of “I don’t know how you do it!”

 

YOU LOOK STRESSED, BUT BEAUTIFUL AND SKINNY, CAN I TAKE A COUPLE OF THE KIDS FOR A FEW HOURS FOR YOU?

YOU LOOK STRESSED, BUT BEAUTIFULAND SKINNY, CAN I GET YOU TWO HOURS OF CLEANING FROM MERRY MAIDS?

YOU LOOK STRESSED, BUT BEAUTIFUL AND SKINNY, HERE’S SOME VODKA.

YOU LOOK STRESSED, BUT BEAUTIFUL AND SKINNY, GO TAKE A NAP WHILE I WATCH THE KIDS.

YOU LOOK STRESSED, BUT BEAUTIFUL AND SKINNY, HERE’S SOME MONEY.

YOU LOOK STRESSED, BUT BEAUTIFUL AND SKINNY, LET ME CLEAN OUT YOUR VAN FOR YOU.

YOU LOOK STRESSED, BUT BEAUTIFUL AND SKINNY, LET ME REPAIR ALL OF THE BROKEN THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE FOR YOU.

YOU LOOK STRESSED, BUT BEAUTIFUL AND SKINNY, HERE’S A PICKLE.

(jk drugs are bad, mmmkay?)

I know that, at the end of the day, I am so fortunate.  I know there are people a lot worse off than I am.  I have 4 amazing, beautiful, happy, healthy, outgoing, caring, and loving kids.  And by some miracle, they love ME like I am the sun in their world.  In spite of my many mess-ups and failures, they see only the best in me, even when I can’t see it in myself.  I love those little shits.