Hate Blog...Continued

Last week I posted a blog about things that I hate.  I am going to continue that now, as there are many more things that just DRIVE ME CRAZY!!!!  A lot of these things, I am guilty of doing once, or on accident, but these are the things that piss me off when done habitually.  They are common sense things really.  Unfortunately, common sense isn't so common anymore.  So without further ado....

Things I hate...Part II

Loud Eaters- There are some things that are just naturally loud to eat.  I get that.  But I should not be able to hear every bite you take, every time you chew, and for the love of all that is holy, PLEASE stop smacking your lips.  That is gross.  Chew with your mouth closed.  I don't want to see the food as your giant nasty mouth pulverizes it. 

 

 

People who hate drama - The people who feel the need to announce that they hate drama, are usually the people with the most drama in their life, and it is normally self-induced.  Most people wouldn't admit they love drama, so why feel the need to talk all of the time about how you hate drama.  Just announcing that you hate drama, is dramatic! dumbass.  I don't feel the need to post about how I hate natural disasters or diarrhea, why do you need to announce that you hate drama? It's because you are a drama magnet and you love it.  You are also crazy.

 

Example:

 

PWHD (posting on FB) - I hate drama. I do not have time for it.  I am just tryin 2 live my life.  U don't no me, you don't know what I've been thru, so save the drama 4 yo mama.  And yeah, I am talkin 2 u @NickiSmith.  Keep ur hands off of my man and ur legs closed. He's done wit u.

 

ME: If you hate drama, why are you posting this on FB, calling someone out, and inviting more drama into your life? Why are you a 35 year old adult and still can't spell? Why would you want a man who obviously repeatedly cheats on you? Did your mom not love you enough? Were you picked on as a child? Do you have daddy issues?

 

PWHD: Who u think u is talkin bout my man and mama? I'll kick yo a**.

 

ME; Point proven.  God loves you.

 

Sidebar: The people who "like" statuses about hating drama, are also people who love drama, and they suck too.

 

Old Sluts - Don't act shocked, you know exactly what I am talking about.  The ladies (and it could be mean, but the women are worse, IMO) that still dress like they are 21, even though they are so far over the hill that they can't even see the top anymore.  They think their leathery skin, teased hair, overdone make-up, and bejeweled clothing make them cool.  They don't.  People feel sorry for you.  I feel sorry for you that you feel that all you are worth in life is to be a bed warmer for strangers and a cautionary tale to those of us younger than you.  You are not sexy.  You are not attractive.  Your children are embarrassed of you.  If they aren't. it's because they are following in your footsteps and are old sluts in training.  Have some self respect.  Act your age.  Dress your age.  Hang out with people your age.  You can still have fun, but you'll do it without losing your dignity and contracting herpes.  Because even though you enjoy the night life, dancing, laughing, flirting, and being skanky, in the morning (or afternoon-whenever you get up) and you are doing the walk of shame, your life is still just as empty as it was before you tried to drown your sorrows, if not emptier.  Sometimes, the hardest thing in the world is to learn to love yourself.  Start with trying to like yourself.  You don't need random men to define who you are.  You are old enough to know better.  You have lived long enough to know that your coping methods aren't working.  Make a change.  Leave a legacy your children, and grandchildren, can be proud of.  Your string of conquests and list of venereal diseases is not a legacy.  It's a disgrace to the life God gave you.

 

But if you need more convincing, or want to hear the other side of the story from your peers...Here, ya go.

 

How old is too old to dress slutty?

 

That is the end of my rant today.  It's time for me to keep back to searching for a job ::Gulp::  I am sure after a few hours of job hunting, I will have more things I hate, or an entirely new blog topic to bitch talk about.  Lucky you!

 

p.s. I did not proofread this.  I know, bad blogger, but I ran out of time.  So sorry for any typos or misspelled words.

 



Parenting: Why I am better at it than you are!

Yeah, you heard me! I am a better parent than you are.  Ok, that is stretching the truth.  I am not a better parent than you, but there are people out there that make me feel like I am totally nailing this "mom thing", because they are sucking at it like a Hoover.

I am not a perfect parent.  There is no such thing.  I mess up daily.  HOWEVER, even through my mistakes, there are some things that you just don't do.  This blog is dedicated to pointing out the things that are just absolutely unacceptable.  If you are reading this, you are probably an awesome parent like me.  If so, read this, take pleasure in knowing you aren't making these dumbass mistakes, give yourself a pat on the back, pour yourself a glass of wine, and then share this blog with people you know that need to feel better about themselves as parents OR with parents that you know that do these things.

Stupid Parenting Mistakes

1.  Calling your baby daddy/Mama out on Social Media sites.  For the love of God, why?!?! As Phineus and Ferb taught me, "Once it's in cyberspace, you can never take it back.  It is there forever!" I know your ex is a douche supreme, and you wish he/she would contract a venereal disease and disappear.  That does not mean you need to announce it to the world.  If it's true; they already know.  Plus, your kids could see your crazy rants, and one of two things is going to happen.  Your children will see your negative behavior and feel defensive of their other parent, and end up hating your bitter self.  OR they will take what you say as the truth (and even if what you say is true, it is a grown-up truth, not a kid truth, and they don't need to know that stuff) and end up hating their other parent, and that is not healthy for your kids.  The fact is, if they were truly a horrible person and you were worried about their welfare while in the other parent's custody, then you wouldn't let them visit. (and if that IS the case, and you DO let them visit, then YOU are the horrible parent)
Be a grown-up and keep your negative thoughts to yourself. And by "yourself" I mean sitting around with your closest friends when you are kid free, and bashing the ex is appropriate.

Sidebar: I don't know if you feel this way, but when I unnecessarily bash the ex, it makes ME feel like an idiot because I am the one who chose to procreate with him, so that's not saying much for me either if I run my mouth about what an asshat he is. (Not saying he is an asshat, just saying in a general sense)

2. Treating your kids like they are your friends, not your children.  I know that little Bobby wants to listen to Lil' Wayne on his iPod, and I am sure it is all of the rage in the 2nd grade, but the answer is NO!!! HELL NO!!! I am sure all of the kids in Suzie's 4th grade class are allowed to watch "Teen Mom", but the answer again is HELL NO!!! I know you feel that imposing a bedtime is crushing little Jimmy's free spirit and sense of independence, but he NEEDS SLEEP! DUH! Yes, they may get mad at you.  They may throw a fit. But they will also be a better kid for it.  If your kids don't hate you at some point, then you are not doing your job as a parent.  I am not a strict parent.  I like to let my kids express themselves, and even I know that some things you just do, because, well hell, it should be obvious.

Sidebar:  Lil' Wayne has 4 kids, by 4 different women, and even he doesn't let his kids listen to his music.  

3.  No matter how much money you throw at your kids, what they really want, is time with you.  Give them that time.  Yes, that means that you will have to curb your social life, but so what? I have just as much fun goofing off with my kiddos as I do going out.  When you post pictures online of you out at bars or clubs all of the time, when you have kids at home (I don't care if you got a sitter or if your kids are old enough to stay home alone), you are a sh*tty parent.  Yes it is ok to go out occasionally.  It keeps us sane. But every night? No ma'am.  No sir. Shame on you.

Sidebar: When you post your Barfly pictures, you think they say "Look at me! I am still fun and cool!"  What it actually says is "Please, someone, call DCS, my children deserve better!"

WHEW...I feel better now.  At some point or another, we have all made one of the above mistakes in a small dose.  We are human.  It happens.  But when you do these things repeatedly, well, you suck.  Our kids did not ask to have us as parents....we were blessed that God chose us and gave us the honor of raising these tiny little dictators and turning them into upstanding citizens.  Don't waste your blessing.

Hate is such a strong word....

Hate.  That is very powerful word, and one that is overused.  I often say that I "hate" asparagus.  That's untrue.  I dislike it, but to say that I have strong enough feelings to actually "hate" a vegetable? Untrue. 

However, for the purpose of this blog, I am going to be using the word "hate" like a comma.  This is my "Hate Series."  Things that absolutely drive me crazy.  I will do this in several parts, as to not overwhelm you with my loathing.  Feel free to share things you hate, loathe, dislike; and if I agree, I'll add them to the list!


Things I Hate: Part 1


One-Uppers- The people who always have to do things bigger, better, faster, and more often than you.  Really? Get over yourself.  I am not competing with you.  I am just living my life.  You should get one of your own!

Example:

Me: I had such a great weekend.  I went out on the lake, and it was so nice.
OU: I own the lake and I went out on my private yacht!
Me: Private yacht? Nice.  What's it called; the SS Douche Canoe?

People that complain, but don't contribute- These people find fault in everything, but do nothing to fix the situation.  We are all guilty of doing this occasionally, but these people make it their job to complain.  If you don't like something, then take steps to fix it.  Write a letter, stage a protest, or make the changes yourself.

Example:

Complainer: I hate that my kid's school doesn't have a Chess Club for my little Johnny.
Me: Why don't you and Johnny start a club, and you can be the adult chaperone.
Complainer: Well, I am too busy, and why should I have to help? Isn't that what we pay the teachers for?
Me: ::bitch slap::

People who eat in the bathroom- Yes, these people exist.  No, I do not understand it.  I know your life is not so hectic that you have to eat while you do your make-up.  I do not care how clean your bathroom is, that is still nasty.  There are poop particles and stuff floating in the air.  If you eat in the bathroom, we are no longer friends.

Example Phone Conversation:

Me; Hey, girl, whatcha doin?
Nasty: Taking a crap and eating a donut.
Me: Pardon? Why do you need to eat and crap at the same time?
Nasty: Just killing two birds, and all that.  I have a lot going on, if I didn't eat in here, I wouldn't eat.
Me: Then you should starve. ::defriends on facebook::

Is this thing on?

Sooooo, I know I have been MIA for a bit...ok, over a year....and basically that makes me unreliable.  Well, have no fear.  I am back and I plan to brighten your lives with my posts on a regular basis again.  What's that you say? I've said that before? Well, I am saying it again and you are going to listen.  I've been busy, what with the kid raising, hair raising, hell raising, and any other type of raising there is.  Don't judge me. 

So this is basically just a fair warning that your favorite Manic Mommy is about to be back in action.  Soon I will regale you with stories of my life as a mom, the funny things the kids say, DIY tips, horror stories from my life as a single lady trying to ::gulp:: date. 

Also, I'll be taking on guest bloggers, just to throw some diversity up in this biyatch! I know you are shivering with antici........................pation.  Well, get a glass of wine and play on Pinterest for a bit, and SOON I will WOW you with my awesomeness.  Fact.