Parenting: Why I am better at it than you are!

Yeah, you heard me! I am a better parent than you are.  Ok, that is stretching the truth.  I am not a better parent than you, but there are people out there that make me feel like I am totally nailing this "mom thing", because they are sucking at it like a Hoover.

I am not a perfect parent.  There is no such thing.  I mess up daily.  HOWEVER, even through my mistakes, there are some things that you just don't do.  This blog is dedicated to pointing out the things that are just absolutely unacceptable.  If you are reading this, you are probably an awesome parent like me.  If so, read this, take pleasure in knowing you aren't making these dumbass mistakes, give yourself a pat on the back, pour yourself a glass of wine, and then share this blog with people you know that need to feel better about themselves as parents OR with parents that you know that do these things.

Stupid Parenting Mistakes

1.  Calling your baby daddy/Mama out on Social Media sites.  For the love of God, why?!?! As Phineus and Ferb taught me, "Once it's in cyberspace, you can never take it back.  It is there forever!" I know your ex is a douche supreme, and you wish he/she would contract a venereal disease and disappear.  That does not mean you need to announce it to the world.  If it's true; they already know.  Plus, your kids could see your crazy rants, and one of two things is going to happen.  Your children will see your negative behavior and feel defensive of their other parent, and end up hating your bitter self.  OR they will take what you say as the truth (and even if what you say is true, it is a grown-up truth, not a kid truth, and they don't need to know that stuff) and end up hating their other parent, and that is not healthy for your kids.  The fact is, if they were truly a horrible person and you were worried about their welfare while in the other parent's custody, then you wouldn't let them visit. (and if that IS the case, and you DO let them visit, then YOU are the horrible parent)
Be a grown-up and keep your negative thoughts to yourself. And by "yourself" I mean sitting around with your closest friends when you are kid free, and bashing the ex is appropriate.

Sidebar: I don't know if you feel this way, but when I unnecessarily bash the ex, it makes ME feel like an idiot because I am the one who chose to procreate with him, so that's not saying much for me either if I run my mouth about what an asshat he is. (Not saying he is an asshat, just saying in a general sense)

2. Treating your kids like they are your friends, not your children.  I know that little Bobby wants to listen to Lil' Wayne on his iPod, and I am sure it is all of the rage in the 2nd grade, but the answer is NO!!! HELL NO!!! I am sure all of the kids in Suzie's 4th grade class are allowed to watch "Teen Mom", but the answer again is HELL NO!!! I know you feel that imposing a bedtime is crushing little Jimmy's free spirit and sense of independence, but he NEEDS SLEEP! DUH! Yes, they may get mad at you.  They may throw a fit. But they will also be a better kid for it.  If your kids don't hate you at some point, then you are not doing your job as a parent.  I am not a strict parent.  I like to let my kids express themselves, and even I know that some things you just do, because, well hell, it should be obvious.

Sidebar:  Lil' Wayne has 4 kids, by 4 different women, and even he doesn't let his kids listen to his music.  

3.  No matter how much money you throw at your kids, what they really want, is time with you.  Give them that time.  Yes, that means that you will have to curb your social life, but so what? I have just as much fun goofing off with my kiddos as I do going out.  When you post pictures online of you out at bars or clubs all of the time, when you have kids at home (I don't care if you got a sitter or if your kids are old enough to stay home alone), you are a sh*tty parent.  Yes it is ok to go out occasionally.  It keeps us sane. But every night? No ma'am.  No sir. Shame on you.

Sidebar: When you post your Barfly pictures, you think they say "Look at me! I am still fun and cool!"  What it actually says is "Please, someone, call DCS, my children deserve better!"

WHEW...I feel better now.  At some point or another, we have all made one of the above mistakes in a small dose.  We are human.  It happens.  But when you do these things repeatedly, well, you suck.  Our kids did not ask to have us as parents....we were blessed that God chose us and gave us the honor of raising these tiny little dictators and turning them into upstanding citizens.  Don't waste your blessing.