Day 1

I have the most amazing children.  They are all so special and unique.  My sweet Dalton.  Always pushing the limits, testing boundaries, and causing trouble.  He is also tells me several times a day how much he loves me and wakes me up with kisses every morning.
And then there is my brave Dillon.  Always happy, always wearing a smile, and always looking out for those younger than him.  He asks me every day how Ryan is doing and hugs me and asks if he can help with anything. 
Then my sensitive Dakota.  He is so smart.  And although the recent events have affected him the hardest, he still puts on a smile.  He told me he was going to choose to be happy, because he does not like how sad feels.  He is only 7 and already so wise.  And he is also so concerned with his mommy and baby sister.
Last night he crawled into bed with me and put his arms around me and said "Mommy I am sorry you and daddy broke up."  And I told him I was sorry too but we would be ok.  He then said "But mommy, who is going to take care of you? Aren't you scared that when you have Ryan you will need some help? Who is going to make sure you are happy?"  I was overwhelmed by his concern and caring.  I told him that I was the adult and that I would always take care of him and his siblings, and he did not need to worry about me.  He just needs to worry about being a kid.  I told him that mommy had a great support group of people to help if needed, and that daddy would still help with Ryan.
He asked if he was the man of the house now.  I told him that our house did not have to have a man, and mommy would bring home the bacon and fry it up too.  I said he was only 7 and needs to act 7 and not have to worry about being the man of the house. 
I guess I just want to say how amazing my kids are.  Sure they cause a lot of trouble, they are boys, but they also are the happiest kids you will ever meet, and they are very protective of their mom.  I could not be anymore blessed.  I just have to keep reminding myself of that when I start to get sad.  This is hard.  It hurts like hell.  I am mad.  Sad.  Confused. Scared.  But I am also so blessed and filled with so much hope for our futures.  This is not the life I had planned for myself, but I know it is the life God had planned for me, so how can I argue with that?  They say time heals all wounds.  I am still waiting and praying.