Excuse me while I bask in my awesomeness

So I know I have only been going through hell having to rearrange my life for a short time, but I have learned so much about myself during this time, and I have learned to do so many things that I have never really done before (Although some of them are things I should have been doing.)


It is not like I have developed super powers or found a cure for cancer or anything, but I have learned to take care of myself, and that I am one stubborn strong woman. I have learned that some of my traits that I possess, that I was made to believe were faults, are actually positive things that have helped me through this. I like to plan things. I am a planner. Ask anyone who knows me. I am not a “fly by the seat of pants” type of person. I like to be able to schedule my life. I can be a little anal retentive overboard on this sometimes. I do not like it when people say they will do something at a certain time and don’t. I try my best to keep my word and I expect others to do the same. Now, I know that sometimes things happen, and the best laid plans fall through (just look at my life-ha), and I need to be a little more flexible in that area, but I think my planning is a great quality. I certainly could not be the mother or employee that I am without that skill set.

I have been reminded that people ARE inherently good. Some people may lose their way, but for every person like that in my life; there are 30 more who have only good intentions. I have an amazing support group around me. AMAZING. While there are a lot of things up in the air in my life right now, I take comfort in knowing I am not alone. I will never go hungry, not have a roof over my head, clothing for my boys, or any of the basic necessities in life. (And thanks to a few special people, some of the non-necessities that make me feel better like highlights and manicures) My children will never lack love and attention. I do not know there are children in the world that are loved more than mine.

I have learned that a good lawyer is worth the money, but even when you have a small victory, the fact that you have to have a lawyer is still sad. No matter what the outcome of dealings with my lawyer, I still have to fight a war I did not sign up for. I was drafted into a “Battle of Suck” and well…it sucks.

I have learned that our God is an awesome God. While I am devastated bewildered confused upset, and tend to teeter back and forth on my emotions (give me a break-I am pregnant) I know that God has something amazing in store for me and my children. I KNOW THIS. It still hurts right now, and there will be more hurt, but it does hurt a little less every day. Every day I learn something new and positive about myself, and see some things for what they are, and not the romanticized memories I have.

Other things I have learned are more practical, day to day things, that most of you probably have been doing since you were teens, but I have been content to have someone else handle these things for me….

Until Now…

I can pay my bills (with my own checking account!!!). I know how to contact all of the people I owe money to, when the money is due, and what my grace period is on being late (Hey, I am nothing if not practical). I also learned the art of negotiation. I am not saying it is right or wrong, but a little “woe is me, stick out the pregnant belly” goes a long way in getting your bill reduced! (Bonus points if you can produce real tears….I’m just sayin)

I can change my oil. Ok well not me personally, but I can take it to be changed and actually have it done when it is supposed to be done!

When small things break, I can fix them. I have hammered, screwed (hee hee) and taped stuff back to working functioning order.

I learned how to operate my thermostat. It was previously on my list of things in the house not to touch, and I was fine with that. But now it is my job and I like it.

I learned that I like knowing things are mine. I have cleaned out closets, drawers, storage containers and gotten my life organized. And not to sound selfish, but I like knowing that these things are mine. I am responsible for their well-being and upkeep. I like that responsibility. I would rather be responsible for everything on my own, than to think I am sharing the responsibility with someone else, who never rarely follows through.

I learned that my life is not all that different now. Of course there are a lot of changes. I am no longer a “we”. I have been a “we” since I was 16. Since I was 16 there is probably only a cumulative time of 8 months that I was an “I” and not a “we” (in a romantic sense). I have a lot of emotions now to work through, and sometimes I miss having a sounding board for household decisions. I have A LOT less money, but I did not have a lot to begin with so that is ok. But the practical, day to day of my life, not so different. I still take care of my children, pack lunches, review homework, read books, tuck in, cook dinner, schedule doctor’s appointments, clean, do laundry, say prayers, take to church, and plenty of other things that I was doing already, and most of it, I was doing alone. Not to say that I was/am perfect or that my STBE (soon to be ex) did not contribute, but I did a lot more than I gave myself credit for.

::Sigh::

So I guess I will quit tooting my own horn now, but I just think that for every negative thing in life, there are so many more positives, and I just have to focus on that. I have 3 amazing children, one more on the way, and all the necessities in life, and I will be ok. I AM ok. My family is ok. Is it hard? Hell yeah Sure! Is it the life I had planned for myself? Hell No No. But I believe it is the life God had planned for me, and that if anyone can do this, I can. I was raised right. I am a good person. I care deeply about those around me, and I pray fervently for the redemption of others. I am also moody and blunt, but you take the good, you take the bad, right?!?!