Trading my Sorrows

I am pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed

I am blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure

And his joy's going to be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night

His joy comes with the morning

 These words are so powerful.  I am not perfect.  I have moments of pain, self doubt, anger, grief, denial, and every other emotion in the world, but I always come back to Him and His promise.  I am pressed with all of the things that have been happening to me, but I am not crushed. I have been struck down but I am not destroyed. I am blessed beyong the curse.   I still have my children, my family, my friends, my job, my home, the list goes on!  So I don't have my husband, and I lost him in a horrific way (IMO), but time will heal those wounds.  (I hope!) I may not have my "partner" but my children still have their father, just in a different capacity.  And my children are what is important.  I am a big girl.  I will move on, grow stronger, live, learn, blah blah blah cliche cliche cliche, but my children need the stability and the presence of their father.  And I am confident that sooner or later, in one way or another, that they will have that. So what is there to be sad about? Really not much.  This situation sucks.  BAD.  But life is not fair.  God never promised life would be fair, He promised it would be worth it, and if you follow His word, you will be in His favor.  I am ok with that.

Now, there will be a time when I am sure I get angry.  I imagine coming home alone from the hospital with Ryan will open up old wounds.  And I am sure the first night I get together with my girls and a bottle of wine, I will do/say things that I probably won't blog about, but at the end of the day, it is what it is.  I have been too blessed in my life to let this derail me.  I am a mom, I do not have that option.  So I will have a big cup of Tiger Blood from Charlie Sheen, and I will be WINNING too.

***Note*** "home" is wherever I am with my boys and may change.  The roof over my head today, may not be the roof over my head tomorrow, but I am ok with that, because I know there will be a roof.