Um, what was I thinking?

I do not know if it has occurred to any of you out there in cyber land, but I am about to be a single mom of 4! Yes 4 kids.  Me. SINGLE MOM OF 4 KIDS.  Say that out loud.  Let it sink it.  Swirl the words around on your tongue like you are trying a new wine. Done?  Are you as panicked as I am?
I mean, first of all, becoming a single mom all of the sudden, was a tough transition.  I had to change the way I looked at everything. 
Then being a single, pregnant mom, has been a tough transition as well.  Not that I need a partner physically (although it has been 4 months and 22 days...not that I am counting) but the emotional support of the "baby daddy" would be nice.  I guess I can "want in one hand, and poop in the other, and see which one fills up faster." (I think I learned that from "Mama's Family")
I have 3 wonderfully smart, funny, happy, wild, unruly boys at home.  They are my world and I love them more than life.  They will be the reason I drink, cuss, and go grey, but they are the greatest joys in my life.  But they are a full-time job.  And now...
I am about to (in < 47 Days) add a precious baby girl to the mix.  How?!? Wha?!?! AHHH!!!!!  First, no matter how well behaved, a 4th kid is a 4th kid.  There will be midnight feedings, diaper changes, crying fits, and all of the other stuff associated with having a newborn and then the three boys on top of that, and THEN doing that as a single mom.....If I survive this, I will nominate myself for Woman of the Year. 
And then, it is a GIRL.  I do not know what to do with girls.  I am a girl, always have been, but I have never had to completely care for a girl.  I mean, changing girl diapers?  Give me a ball sack any day, at least there are not crevices for things to hide in.  Just because I have vagina, does not mean I am an expert.  I mean I am more equipped I suppose than a man is, but still, ....
And I have to admit, the girl clothes and accessories, are kind of addicting and I think I will enjoy dressing her up, but I am not so sure I am completely equipped for that.  I mean, I have never been the "pink frills and bows" type of girl.  I am more of the "comfortable jeans and T-shirt" type of girl.  Or the "Wear my pajamas all day" type of girl.  I think I am going to have to have my sister lay out Ry's clothes for me, so I make sure they match.
And then there is the issue of keeping Ryan safe from the well-meaning, but overly excitable, Dalton.  I know he will love his baby sister, but I still think he will also want to experiment on her ("I wonder if I push baby off of the couch if she will bounce?")  And with everything the boys have going on in their lives, how will I make sure they all still get the individualized attention they need?  So that they do not feel abandoned by me too? 
How in the world did people "back in the day" have like 6-10 kids?  Really?  I think my vagina will pack up and leave if I even mention having another kid.  My sanity will soon follow.   And then, let's just ignore the giant clusterfuck cloud of chaos that my life is becoming, and start thinking more towards the future.  My life is woefully unequipped with men.  Not romantic interests, but just men in general that my boys spend a lot of time around to be good influences on what a man should be.  There are just far more women in their lives.  I worry about them having several strong male influences in their lives.  I know this a little premature to worry about, but worrying is what I do best.
Finally, at one point (way down the road), I am going to want to date.  I have never had to do this.  I mean truly, I had the same boyfriend in high school, and met the STBE first semester of college and there was no real courtship to speak of.  I have never been picked up on a date, and gone to dinner or whatnot, and then brought back home.  Stood on my porch wondering if he was going to kiss me (not to mention the fact that I have not kissed anyone other than the STBE since October 1998.) 
And actually, worrying about the actual date is secondary to finding a date.  How do people meet people?  And seriously, who wants to date a woman with 4 children?  Truly, besides my bad attitude sparkling personality, I do not bring much to the table.  4 young kids, a hectic life, limited free time, and a lot of debt.  That would be my tag line for my online dating ad.  I do not forsee a lot of "takers".  However I do have a couple of pluses that most do not have.  My last OBGYN said that I had a beautiful cervix (men care about that right?) and my current OB says I have the most textbook, perfectly symmetrical vagina he has seen since med school.  Surely that has to mean something...Not every day you meet someone who has a medical "seal of approval" on their girlie parts. 
OK so now I am spiraling out of control.  Baby steps.  First things first.  Prepping for Ryan.  And then, slowly, day by day,  I suppose I will learn to adjust to this life, and make the most out of it.  Turn my test into a testimony.  But on the for real, I AM ABOUT TO BE A SINGLE MOM OF 4 KIDS!