86,400 seconds

24 hours…so much can happen in 24 hours. I remember waking up one day thinking I was blissfully married, only to find out within the next 24 hours, that I never meant anything to him and that he had already replaced me with a more immature easy loose moraled younger girl (But by no means upgraded)

I woke up yesterday thinking it was going to be the day that I moved on.  That I quit with the "what ifs" and "whys" and started to live MY life.  I woke up to have breakfast with my boys, took Dakota to school, and then took Dillon and Dalton to the doctor for their Well Visits.  I was determined it was going to be a day without tears. 

The obstacles started small.  Dalton was diagnosed with PICA (Pica (pronounced /ˈpaɪkə/ PY-kə) is a medical disorder characterized by an appetite for substances largely non-nutritive, that are not meant to be consumed such as clay, paper, metal, coal, dirt ), which I already assumed, but was told of all of the forms of PICA, his was the safest because the non-food items he chose to eat were able to be mostly digested. (He picks the fibrous materials off of his diapers or furniture and eats it).  The good news was that he will more than likely grow out of it, sooner, rather than later.

The doctor informed me that Dillon failed his hearing test in both ears.  WHAT?!?!?! I am praying this is a mistake and maybe he just did not follow directions.  He has never given me any reason to believe he has trouble hearing. Maybe a case of selective hearing, but that seems to be every male in the world.   But as a mom I am still concerned. 

Dalton also used the opportunity for an audience at the doctor to show how well he could pronounce, and how many different uses there were, for his new favorite expletive word. DAMNIT.  Let me tell you how proud I was...not. 

But we left the doctor feeling pretty good.  I have some strong healthy boys and I was filled with hope for the day. 

::RING RING::

So many moments of sadness or trauma have started with that sound. Ok technically that is not the sound my phone makes...it actually sang out with Eminem's song "I'm Not Afraid", but for the purpose of this story, ""ring ring"" is a better option.

A simple ring.  The last sound I heard before I found out my uncle and cousin had been killed by a drunk driver.  The last sound I heard before I found out that my Grandmother had passed away.  The last sound I heard before I found out my Uncle Jeff went to be with the Lord.  The last sound I heard when I found out that I would never again hear the contagious laugh of Emily Harding.  The last sound I heard when I saw the proof that my marriage was over.  So many times in my life, that sound, has been a precursor to my tears. 

When I answered the phone and saw it was a local number, I assumed it was the new pediatrician thanking me for my patronage, or one of the local hospitals calling to harass remind me that I owe them money. 

When I answered the phone and my OBGYN announced himself, I was kind of taken by surprise.  This is my 4th pregnancy, and my OB has never called me.  My first thought was that something showed up in my Glucose screening or that the urine analysis showed that my pre-eclampsia was back.  Not good news, but manageable.  When I heard him say "Ms. Parrott, I have the results of your ultrasound"  Wait, what?? Results? I know the results.  I am having a girl and she is perfect.  I have the pictures to prove it.  My ultrasounds don't have results, only cute little profile pictures. "Your ultrasound shows some obvious abnormalities in the bones of the skull.  It is what we call scalloping.  While there is always a chance there is an error, I am going to refer you to a High Risk OB to run some more tests.  Is there a time on your calendar where you would be available?"  NOW!!!!!!  You just told me there could be something wrong with my daughter....MY SCHEDULE JUST OPENED UP.  We hung up the phone and the tears came. 

Then I start thinking of everything I should have said or asked, but was in too much shock.  After throwing myself a 15 minute crying fest, I got on my knees and prayed.  And then I reached out to my friends in cyber world to extend their prayers as well.  I know that prayers are the most powerful thing there is.  I begin to wait.  I answer questions to the best of my knowledge for those who reach out to me.  I worry about why the person, besides me, who should be most concerned, has not contacted me at all.  I get on Google.  Bad mistake. 

Waiting waiting waiting waiting.  I am still waiting.  I just called the OB and my doctor is in surgery and they will make sure to get with me before the end of the day.  THAT IS A LIFETIME FOR A SCARED MOTHER. I am comforted by the outpouring of love and prayers for Ryan.  I was feeling sorry for myself last night thinking how hard it is to be a single mom, and to go through a pregnancy alone, and then it hit me....I am  not alone.  I have never been alone.  I have so many people who love and care for me and my children.  If anything I more relate to a polygamist :) 

Waiting....So again in 24 hours my world has been flipped.  Up is down.  Left is Right.  I can't help but be afraid of wonder what the next 24 hours holds.